In my work as a psychotherapist and coach specialised in systemic approaches, I observe every day the profound impact that self-esteem can have on our lives. Whether with adolescents, adults, or couples, the question of self-esteem often arises. How can we nurture it? Why is it so important? And most importantly, how can we differentiate between self-esteem and self-confidence? These questions deserve to be explored in depth, as they are essential for living a fulfilled and authentic life.
🤔 What is self-esteem and why is it crucial?
Self-esteem is the perception we have of our own value. It is based on our ability to recognise ourselves as worthy of love and respect, regardless of our successes or failures. Self-esteem is not the same concept as self-confidence, although the two are often confused. Self-confidence refers to our ability to act effectively in specific situations, such as succeeding in an exam or speaking in public. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is more global and relates to how we perceive ourselves as a person, with all our strengths and weaknesses.
As Christophe André states in his book Imparfaits, libres et heureux, self-esteem is the ability to recognise oneself as a person of value, regardless of one’s successes or failures. It is about learning to welcome oneself with kindness, seeing one’s strengths and limits without judgment. This allows for inner peace and better preparation for facing life’s challenges.
⚖️ The difference between self-esteem and self-confidence
Many of my patients ask me: What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence? Here is how I explain it:
- Self-confidence is specific to particular situations. For example, you might have confidence in your ability to manage a project, succeed in a job interview, or play a musical instrument. It is contextual and depends on your skills in a specific area.
- Self-esteem, on the other hand, is deeper and does not depend on external circumstances. It concerns your perception of yourself as a whole, unique person. It is self-acceptance, even when things don’t go as planned or when you make mistakes.
🌍 Why is it important to look at your past?
An African proverb says: If you don’t know where you’re going, look at where you’ve been. This wisdom applies perfectly to self-esteem. To move forward and understand who we are, it is essential to know our history. Our past experiences, our family environment, our interactions, and our learnings shape our self-perception and influence our behaviors.
Take Pierre, a patient I worked with, for example. Pierre constantly sought validation from others and tended to be harsh on himself. By exploring his past, he realized that his need to please and receive compliments was tied to a childhood where recognition only came when he “performed well.” This awareness helped him step back and reassess his behaviours. Through reflection and practice, Pierre learned to assert himself more independently and validate his efforts, even when outcomes were not perfect.
💡 Look at where you come from: This first step helps you become aware of your history and the impact of your past experiences on your behaviours and beliefs. By understanding your defense mechanisms or ways of functioning, you can decide which ones help you move forward and which ones need to be modified.
💪 3 steps to nurture your self-esteem
Step 1: Look at where you come from 🌱
- Analyse your past and understand the experiences that have shaped you.
- Identify behaviours and traits you inherited that were useful in your childhood and might still influence your life today.
- Decide which behaviors to keep or modify for better progress.
Step 2: Get to know yourself 🪞
- Observe your needs, desires, and limits without judgment.
- Accept your strengths and vulnerabilities, treating yourself with kindness.
- Explore your values and what truly motivates you in life.
Step 3: Celebrate your small wins 🎉
- Acknowledge your efforts, even when results are not perfect.
- Write down each small daily victory to strengthen a positive and realistic self-image.
- Learn to value your journey, not just your successes.
🧠 Working on your self-esteem is possible!
Working on self-esteem might seem challenging, but it is an enriching path that can transform your life. As a psychotherapist and specialised coach, I am here to support you in this journey. My approach will help you:
- Understand your history and mechanisms: By exploring your past experiences, you can gain deeper insights into your behaviours and identify those that no longer serve you.
- Strengthen your self-confidence and self-esteem: Through tailored techniques, we will work together to help you cultivate a more positive and realistic perception of yourself.
- Find balance in your relationships: A strong sense of self-esteem enhances interactions with your loved ones, friends, and colleagues. It helps you become less reliant on others for validation and empowers you to provide that support for yourself.
Why choose my coaching or therapy sessions?
🔗 A systemic approach that considers your environment and interactions.
🧩 A personalised approach adapted to your unique needs.
🤝 A nurturing space where you can explore your emotions and aspirations.
🎁 Conclusion
Self-esteem is not a destination but a journey. It takes time, patience, and commitment. However, every step you take on this path brings you closer to a more fulfilling, peaceful, and authentic life. You deserve to live in harmony with yourself, accept your imperfections, and recognize yourself as a person of value, regardless of your successes or failures.
Ready to take the first step towards better self-esteem? Discover how I can help you move forward with confidence and live a life more aligned with your values.
#SelfEsteem #PersonalDevelopment #Coaching #SystemicTherapy